noise
what comes from our mind, needn't become stressors. note your thoughts as noise, instead.
some noise is worth paying attention to, other noise is simply just there. noise doesn't always inherently mean something.
think of it like creaky floorboards: you may notice your floorboards creaking late at night, and yet, nobody is there. it's simply wood expanding or shifting ever so slightly. do you panic, believing someone is there, or do you recognize this happens and simply let it be?
we let our mind take us to many places. fear, love, hate. most people try to avoid or compartmentalize their intrusive thoughts, especially the ones that bother them. some people get mad at their intrusive thoughts and lash out in various areas of their life. some people get so stuck, they give up. they are still living, yet essentially lifeless.
understanding: "your thoughts mustn't be taken seriously" is the first step in achieving “control” over your emotion. i use the term control loosely, as there is no such thing as controlling the mind. it's a beast that cannot be tamed, and it, almost poetically, has a mind of it's own.
there are two elements to the “mind”. there is the “observer", the one that shifts focus and attention, noticing things. there is also the “thinking mind”, this one is essentially a never-ending stream of random commentary, sometimes reactive, othertimes unrelated to anything. some of what it comes up with is useful, but most of the time it is just noise. it loves to tell stories. “thanks mind”, you might like to tell it, since it does such a wonderful job.
the “observer”, and the “storyteller”. the storyteller isn't really you, it's a blend of our environment, biology and habits, filling silence to feel useful. the observer however, is a widely untapped tool for success, growth, and improvement. it can be a source of quiet and steadiness. it doesn't demand, or make up stories. it observes.
we don't use our observant mind nearly as much as we should, and this is how some people end up getting stuck, feeling as if they are broken, incapable of change. i thought this once too about my own being. that i was stuck.
"i can't change."
the act of us getting too caught up in our own thoughts, taking them far more seriously than we should, is called “cognitive fusion”. it's when one begins believing their thoughts too quickly, or "fusing" your reality with them. when we mistake the stories as truth. when we hear something in our head and don't observe it, but trust it instincitvely.
it's thinking: “man, i suck at this,” and believing it. feeling it. looking out for evidence as to why you suck at “this”. not letting it go, because you suck at this. never feeling like you're doing enough, because you suck at this.
we all suck at “this”: life, and most things. we suck at them because we are inherently flawed creatures. our earliest ancestors had faulty genetics, conditions, and neurological design flaws, and this has been passed down to us, generation after generation. one arguably archaic system in particular being the amygdala.
while not necessarily faulty, some may say the amygdala is a tad bit sensitive for today's societal structure. nowadays, instead of our fears being about bears that might tackle and rip us apart, our fears are much more mundane. first world problems. bills, relationship struggles, our careers, whether we should have that drink or not, whether you should send that text or not.
our amygdala is constantly looking for danger. it loves to believe in fears that stem from previous associations, and this is how it knows what "danger" is. let's say you were listening to the song: “pumped up kicks” when you got a call that your grandma died. now everytime you hear that song, you feel a weight in your stomach, and you can't quite put your finger on why. this is your amygdala in action.
“neurons that fire together, wire together.”
so what? what's the solution you ask? frankly, there is no real, final solution to the amygdala. our brain is a pain-creating machine. this is how we survived, through pain-tolerance and coping mechanisms. however, there is a way to let it effect you a whole lot less, and manage your reactions strategically.
cognitive fusion has a counterpart, often called cognitive defusion. it's the act of creating distance between you and a thought you may be “fused with”. observing the stories for what they really are, and accepting them.
so: “man, i suck at this.”
what if instead you thought: “i'm having the thought where i believe i suck at this.”
"thanks for telling me that story, mind. you're so creative."
do you feel the distance? say both phrases out loud. notice if there's a difference in how they make you feel.
if someone was telling a story outloud, right in front of you. you'd probably hear it quite well, taking it a bit more seriously. you may be more invested in the story with this closeness to it.
if you were across a campfire, talking with your other friends, that “somebody” telling the story outloud seems a bit more like background noise. you may not even pay attention to the words or story being spoken.
this is essentially the idiom known as “cognitive defusion”, and it may take some time to properly understand.
it's not about gaslighting yourself into thinking you shouldn't be thinking these things, no.
you're gonna have negative thoughts. it happens.
do you have to listen to them? no.
do you have to engage with them? also no.
you can choose to notice them, and say "thanks mind, that's a pretty cool story."
or if you find it particularly helpful, even saying to yourself: "thinking."
this act of labeling creates distance from our storytelling mind, and allows us to notice the distinction between the us that observes, and the us that is merely part of us, chattering.
it's interesting, really, once you learn this distinction. that there truly is an "inner voice" you can navigate through the noise to find.
the one that CAN be trusted, and the one that can help you navigate through things further, and align yourself closer to your goals.
i urge you to take a few moments to close your eyes, and think. just think.
think about what's on your mind.
use the techniques outlined above.
"i've noticed that i'm thinking about xyz."
"thanks for telling me that story, mind."
"you're such a creative storyteller, mind."
there's a LOT of stories we tell ourselves
and one of the worst ones that we tell is the fact that we HAVE to listen to them.
because we don't.