yearning
do we know what it is to get what we want? maybe for some.
for me, it's never quite what i want. my expectations have always been far too high
of myself. of others. of the world itself.
it's why i was never able to enjoy drawing, because my expectations of myself were unrealistic and limiting.
"i suck at art, why bother?"
this mindset sucked.
i think to myself: “if only this was different, everything would be great.”
and yet here we are, time and time again and things are different, but they still don't feel great.
why's that?
because it's a learned behaviour, from us constantly expecting more, better, something else.
anything else from what you have.
because now, everyday, we consume advertisements, celebrities, brands, and agendas that don't describe reality
and we feel shitty because our lives don't match an overly glorified and branded influencer's life
but what's so wrong with what you have?
it's likely the fact that it isn't novel to you, right now at this moment in time.
and when you see things that ARE novel, you think, "wow if only."
but it's funny, with the way time, perception, and nostalgia work because one day in the future you may look back on now and think:
“wow things were so much better then”
or "wow things were so much more simple then,"
maybe even “i wish i could go back.”
the mind loves to wish about things because it gives a false sense of safety as if wishing for something will make that wish come true, or for there to be of any value in wishing for something at all
to be frank: it's a waste of mental energy. the only thing you can dramatically change right now is mindset.
and before you say “oh well what do you mean? i've tried so hard to change the way i think but nothing ever changes.”
boom. that's actually your problem. your expectation for things to change at all.
what if they never changed? would you be okay with that? why or why not?
if things stayed exactly how they are right now, would you be happy? could you be happy?
if you got everything you wanted, would you feel any different than you do now?
have you actually tried, being okay with the fact that maybe things will never change? and maybe they shouldn't?
at the end of the day, the most dramatic mindset shift you can make is: acceptance.
accepting that things kind of just “are.”
and there's not much else to it.
you can yearn, wish, and hope things could, would, or should be different, but reality is in front of you. you can choose to let it bother you, or you can accept what is.
and i don't know about you, but i much prefer being in the real world, than in some “perfect idea” of a dreamland. it's more interesting this way anyway.
“if only xyz was different.” -> “this is my reality.”
this is my reality. and yours too. it's our reality. let's not pretend we're in some kind of perfect world because that's just not the case.
we're in a universe where entropy- the law of disorder and chaos is a natural state. the universe is always creating disorder, whether we like it or not and our lives, for better or for worse are this way because we live in this reality
and i love it. and you do too, even if you're a bit reluctant to agree with me. it's just because you don't realize you love it yet
people take for granted almost everything
i broke my arm a couple years ago which resulted in surgery that then resulted in a pinched nerve which resulted in a non-functional arm and hand for about a year
i have never been so happy to be able to use something as simple as my arm after that
it put into perspective that, i take for granted so much. my health, my mind, my soul. everything that i am and everything that im not. everything the world is and all the little quirks around us.
it's beautiful. life is beautiful. but have you ever seen a beautiful person without imperfections? imperfections themselves are relative but when talking about conventional beauty, it's generally symmetry, defined features, and smooth skin.
but fuck it, you've probably met someone so much more beautiful without any of that
and so you already know what you want isn't perfectionism, it's appreciation. for life, and the beauty that is.